Why Timeshare Salemsen are Ruining America

A couple of days ago we spent the afternoon at the Lawrence Welk Resort - which is at most 10 miles northeast of our house. It is located off of Champagne Boulevard, in the shadow of I-15, but more importantly, it's located on my favorite Valley Center bike routes. Now why in the world would be interested in purchasing a timeshare we can bike to? Generally we wouldn't be - we were just interested in the six free Knott's Berry Farm tickets and the Catalina Island trip.

These things are supposed to take 90 minutes. They start you off with drinks and snacks and act like they care about you and want to get to know you - like you might be friends. Unfortunately for the salesman, we're old hats at timeshare pitches - and I have us practice saying "No", "Nope", "Not today" over and over again in the car on the way there.

But they are so very, very good, and so very, very despirate these days. The only ones we've been to that don't drag it out when they know you aren't going to buy is the Marriott ones. The others (Hilton, Lawrence Welk, Starwood, etc.) have devised endless trials you must pass through in order to get your free gift without buying anything.

So I've already posted on Facebook the inane joke our salesman started off with. Frankly, I still don't get it. David said, "We should've asked him, 'How do you starve a salesman? Don't pay him unless he can sell a hamburger to someone who already has six.'" Ha - now THAT'S funny. We spent all the in-between times when he was doing whatever it was he was doing to make the thing drag out thinking of the worst possible things to tell him in answer to his questions. Really, he had his work cut out for him.

And yet... I felt like David almost wavered there for a moment. But who wouldn't? They lay it on thick, telling you the advantages of a Southern California location as a trade-in - blah, blah, blah - so MANY advantages!

Except that the whole time the guy was blinking his eyes funny and tensing his neck - so much so that at least me, Lucy, and Ethan were completely obsessed with watching for the next time he'd twitch. Ethan got REALLY good at imitating him and did it for us several times at lunch following.

So after maybe two hours they finally bring out the slick upper level salesman with the Irish accent (we didn't detect it at first, but it came on strong about 3 minutes into his discussion - we're thinking it was fake) to give you the price lowdown. So ok - they'll trade-in our Marriott timeshare for $7,200 only if we buy the two bedroom for about $37,000. But they pretty much knew we wouldn't go for that, so then they offered us the 1-bedroom every other year deal for $12,000 (but no trade-in). We heard a lot about how the 14.9% APR and $180/month was affordable and we'd just pay it off early anyway.

(Aside: We had told them we are about to buy a house (we are) and that we were being very careful about incurring more debt.)

I said no to that. David hesitated. Not sure if the salesman smelled blood or was going to go for the last ditch effort anyway. The Irish guy went away, and then the salesman asked us how low the payment would have to be to get us to buy something today. We stared at him in silence for several minutes (what Lucy would call 'awkward silence') and I'm pretty sure that maybe he was starting to think we were a little mentally challenged. Finally I said, "Look, it doesn't matter WHAT price per month it is - I know it's not the price per month - it's this total (pointing at the 12K) that we're purchasing and I'm not wanting to buy anything at that price right now."

"So if I gave you 2 weeks of vacation for $5/month you wouldn't buy it?"

"No I would NOT."

Really, he should've stopped there and let us go for lunch. He let my blood sugar get low, thinking that would weaken me - but it just makes me mean.

So he went on anyway. He told us how this last program was usually only offered to employees, but they were now offering it to the public because it was such a great deal. (Not that it's just a way to offer an even cheaper option - they are doing this for US you see)

$7995 - every other year, 1 bedroom, 6 nights a year. "It's only like $120/month. I mean, yeah sure, you don't need it - it's a luxury purchase. But if you can afford it, why not?"

And THAT my friends, is what's ruining America - or should I say, what has ruined America. Sure, if you can afford it RIGHT NOW, if you completely MAX YOURSELF OUT and have no reserves left, why not?

We know this story. We've heard this story. You would think we've learned this lesson, and yet here is THIS guy still trying to sell that line c. 2005.

Note that he even offered to delay reporting this new debt so it wouldn't affect our home purchase in the immediate timeframe.

It all sounds so sleezy when I look back on it, but in the moment, you do start to think, why not? Why shouldn't I spoil myself? Why shouldn't I vacation? Why shouldn't I buy things I don't need just because with some limited evidence and limited perspective, it seems like I can afford it?

Unless you have nerves of steel and an unbelievable ability to say no (I, in fact, have at least this last trait), do not go to timeshare spiels! No matter what they offer!

So, we're trying to leave and we're told we have to wait to get the gift. After 10 more minutes (going on 3 hours at this point), David asks the people at the desk what we're waiting for? Can't you just hand us the certificates? Oh no, sir, someone will be right with you.

To offer you YET ANOTHER DEAL. A trial membership. I was so hungry, so irritated, at that point, that I said - No, we don't want to hear about it. We don't want to know what it costs, what it is, nothing.

I think what pissed me off the most about our main salesman - what I couldn't really get over - was when he told us he uses all six weeks of the timeshares he owns - because he only has to work three months out of the year. I guess I don't know the rest of his situation, but I spent a lot of the time pondering the fact that he makes enough money off of schmucks like us so that he only works three months out of the year. So maybe he has an inheritance, or other business that makes the majority of his money, but the thought that someone could make enough money in three months of selling luxury in this somewhat deplorable fashion to live a life of luxury himself? I was troubled.

Not sure what my point in posting this is other than to complain. I sure will let you know how that Catalina Island trip goes! I've always wanted to go there.